Practices of Embodiment and Presence

A simple daily practice of listening to my body and simply being present for it, has transformed my life more than anything else that I have done. This practice has been so vital that I feel motivated to dialogue with others about it. I established this page as a place to compile dialogue with those who have similar practices or desire to explore this terrain more. Hopefully more will be added here.

An Open and Ongoing Conversation with Harry

October 4, 2021
Harry:
My entire practice involves only one thing, which is the process of being present to the sensations in my body with an attitude of total surrender. I sometimes use different positions to highlight different areas of tension (kneeling, standing, sitting, cross-legged) but that’s as complicated as it gets. It doesn’t really seem like anything else is necessary.

When I have tried other techniques, such as other forms of self-inquiry or visualizations for example, it feels like I’m striving. I’m never really sure what the point is, so I stop. Being present with my body brings me to an acceptance that makes the promise of ’something else’ seem unnecessary and hollow. I do see a healer who uses sound. I find this very helpful — I don’t think of it in a linear sense of development, but it supports my own introspection well, and it helps me through the periods of intense emotional turmoil. I do seem to be able to do this kind of vocal sound healing for others, but pushing to make this happen doesn’t feel appropriate at the moment. Perhaps it will not take the form that I expect. Also, I’m wholly open to the possibility that other practices may become appropriate for me in some future moment, but they just don’t seem so now.

Arena:
Thanks Harry for beginning this discussion. I relate to everything that you wrote about practice. I especially appreciate your conscientiousness around not striving or adding something on top of what is already present. The practice that I engage in the most, also began with just being present to sensation and sensory experience. I tend to think of practice in terms of presence, instead of surrender. A long time ago, I ran into difficulties with surrender. I was attempting to surrender to God’s will, and I unintentionally became too passive, and accidentally inhibited my energy. I discovered that total surrender was tricky, and that there are a lot of misconceptions around it. Presence has been less complicated for me. However, surrender leads to presence and especially at times of difficulty and loss it may be the best point of focus. I especially resonate with how you said that: “Being present with my body brings me to an acceptance that makes the promise of ’something else’ seem unnecessary and hollow.”

Presence seems to be what my body and emotional self crave. I have found that with presence everything unravels and heals itself. The body has a wisdom and intelligence that guides its own unraveling and healing. This wisdom expresses itself when I am not in the way or blocking it, but instead listening and responding to it. It may appear that I am doing virtually nothing, but in fact there are lots of subtle listening responses that may take place. A response may be a shift in the pressure of touch, a sound, a sigh, a subtle movement, a reassuring thought, a letting go, an awareness of stillness. Simple attuned response is extremely comforting and helpful. But as you said, there is no striving to comfort, love, heal or respond. Action and qualities arise naturally, as by products of an aware, listening space.

The quality of touch is valuable to my practice. Presence is conveyed very directly through touch. And the presence of touch is very calming and soothing to the nervous system. But always my intention is just to show up and be here for my body and self. But when calmness and relaxation do increase, it becomes part of a self-reinforcing cycle. I touch and hold the places that my body wants held before falling asleep, and then whenever I awaken. During the day I don’t focus on touch, I just attempt to show up and be here, engaged with what is happening in each moment.

I have found that the kindness and sensitivity of a self to self practice, tends to spill over into everything else. Showing up kindly for myself night after night, transformed my life. But I am not trying to be kind, or trying to transform anything. Presence, and just showing up for what is happening, is everything. I feel like a beginner. There’s a vastness to sensing and sensitivity. One can always perceive more. The little I sense, always feels tiny compared to the vastness of potential.

The emotional turmoil and discomfort can be intense, especially in the beginning, or whenever old trauma is being stimulated. But a natural inner dedication helps one to sustain during challenging times. An inner sense of the value of this practice aids in sustaining it. This form of meditation felt more valuable to me than other meditation that I had previously engaged in. The practice and the goal are one and the same. So it is impossible to fail. Every attempt, no matter how inadequate, is a step in the direction of being more here, more in our body.

Like you, I remain open to the possibility of things changing or evolving into some other form. Writing about presence makes it sound more illustrious and more substantial than it is. A practice of presence is extremely ordinary. Presence is so basic that it goes overlooked and unrecognized. Our culture tends to be addicted to flashy, exhilarating and blissful. But really the ordinary is much more satisfying. Just being here. It’s a humble way of life. I hope that my description transmits a sense of the humbleness and humanness of just showing up. And also the equality of life. We are all learning and helping each other. Teaching and learning occur in a spaciousness of equality and presence.

October 5, 2021
Harry:
I thought the old response was beautiful and think the same of the new one! (Note from Arena Heidi: I had heavily edited my response!) My favorite line is "Action and qualities arise naturally, as by products of an aware, listening space.” It's as profound as it is poetic. When I say surrender, this is mostly what I mean: Being an aware, listening space. Temporarily releasing my agenda, my fighting, and simply being present to what is. But I appreciate your heads up, and the acknowledgement that the usefulness of the idea of surrender is context dependent.

I have spent much of my life fighting: with myself, with others, with the world. I've had rigid ideas of how things should be and been forceful in my attempts to make life conform with them. In this context temporarily letting go of my personal agenda and letting things be as they are has been helpful and necessary. It is teaching me to work in harmony with the currents of nature. It's teaching me that I don’t have to do it all myself, that I am supported. It’s through the portal of this relaxation, this cessation of struggle, that a kind of grace has begun to permeate my experience. This is the context in which the idea of surrender has been helpful to me, but I also see there are huge pitfalls in the idea. Seasons change: clinging to this idea unseasonably could be problematic, as you’ve helped remind me.

I spent about a year simply bringing awareness to whatever was calling for it (tension, pain, emotions, and their associated thoughts and images), and allowing it to unravel in its own time. It was only after I’d really settled in to this very simple practice that I began to - on occasion - add in other elements. And I only do this when it feels intuitively appropriate. As if what I’m working with is asking for it. So often we get confused trying to do too much at once, when 90% of the benefit comes from the most basics aspect of an approach.

I love your description of the autonomous unwinding and healing process that happens when we become an “aware, listening space” for our body and inner landscape: "a shift in the pressure of touch, a sound, a sigh, a subtle movement, a reassuring thought, a letting go, an awareness of stillness.”

This is totally in harmony with my experience, and your description captures the sensitivity to subtlety which is a satisfying byproduct of this practice. I especially seem to yawn and sigh as things release. Occasionally, something is very ready to let go and the unwinding process is activated simply by stopping. This morning I lay down on the floor (lying felt appropriate today). I immediately became aware of a powerful sense of resistance: an almost nauseated aversion. As soon as I allowed myself to feel it, the phrase “I can’t do this!” arose emphatically in my consciousness. I began wriggling and yawning as the release happened: the dissolution a physically-bound idea. This isn’t normal, but it does happen occasionally. More often it is a gentle and steady process.

I do use touch as well. I started using it after I found your website. It’s been a very helpful addition. Sometimes my body wants firmer touch, and I’ll find myself massaging areas of tension. Sometimes I’ll do this kind of self-massage in place of a more meditative practice. My digestive system and lower back seem to especially like this. Sometimes I’ll describe my inner experience to the silence around me, like a form of prayer I suppose. This can aid release at certain times. Occasionally singing, using a drum or moving rhythmically can help. So there are all kinds of little tricks and adjuncts which are useful at different times. But all these little techniques orbit the basic principle of presence. More often than not, I don’t use any of the extra techniques. Touch is the most common, however (thanks to you!)

Another issue I caused myself, once I saw that presence would facilitate an unravelling, was getting the idea that I could now “get rid” of everything I didn’t want to feel. When I went towards the practice with this in mind, I would always end up frustrated, feeling worse. I was creating resistance which kept what I didn’t want to experience locked in place. We have to let go of the idea that things should be different, and then, in a paradoxical fashion so typical of life, they will be! Haha! (Of course you’ll have noticed the same things, and you’ve written already about not trying to generate a result from the process.)

October 18 2021
Arena Heidi:
Thanks Harry. I appreciate the specific details of your response. And as you know, it motivated me to publish my old article on Release, which I had been hesitant to post because my relationship to release has changed. I used to crave release and was more active in trying to facilitate it. I feel more detached about release now. When it occurs, I love it and flow with it, primarily through movement and massage. But as you said, “I only do this when it feels intuitively appropriate. As if what I’m working with is asking for it.” My relationship to release shifted, because there has been a perpetual deepening of presence itself being enough, regardless of whether release or other benefits occur or not.

I appreciate that you wrote about understandably wanting to use presence to unravel things that you didn’t want to feel, and how that backfired for you. As you know and have articulated, it is best to not try and generate any results at all. Ironically, the best results are obtained by not trying to change anything. Life is so much easier this way, but it takes awhile to learn and condition this new habitual response.

You spoke about feeling supported. It has taken me a very long time to feel supported in my life. I have had a long hard history of parents, teachers, and health practitioners unintentionally undermining me. (There is inherited ancestral trauma with this issue as well.) Without being fully aware of it, I learned to perpetually undermine my body and self. So learning how to offer support inwardly, has been a subtle but enormous transformation. When I was younger, I struggled with and cleared up more blatant aspects of self-hatred and internal abuse. It is sobering how much unkindness gets internalized. However, the more subtle aspects of self-undermining, which I habitually engaged in, were not seen and worked through until I began a daily practice of holding presence for my body and self.

I loved how you said, “It’s through the portal of this relaxation, this cessation of struggle, that a kind of grace has begun to permeate my experience.” Grace and astonishment are ever present, but we often miss them, because we are so busy and swept up in the drama of our experiences. Also, it is hard to write about the grace that permeates everything. It is both so ordinary and profound. Like the smoke quietly arising from my neighbor’s chimney, into this clear crisp dawn of morning light. And the settled embodied comfort of thinking of you and typing these words. Each action, each moment, imbued with a quiet care and love.

The Beginning of Dialogue with Victor

September 21, 2021 (A comment on Listening to the Body: A Practice of Kindness)
Victor: I knew many things you wrote about from a theoretical perspective, for example the division we make between body, mind and spirit. However, going from theory to practice is something else. It made a lot of sense to me that this apparent division between mind and body, this battle, takes away or steals a lot of energy. It happens to me and I think it is because I have not finished accepting and loving myself completely. It is also true that the world seems to want to feed confusion, the speed with which one lives from day to day. This awakens a lot of anxiety in me. However, this reality should not be stronger than the need to calm down, feel healthy and find myself. I want to listen more to my body, I think it has a lot to say. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Arena Heidi:
Victor, I resonate with everything you wrote. I had done many other types of meditation before discovering this listening to the body approach. I appreciate other forms of meditation, but this approach transformed my life. Other meditation practices, although they expanded my consciousness, did not resolve my mind and body split. This very simple body centered practice keeps deepening for me. I hope that you also find healing, integration, and embodiment for yourself.

September 23, 2021 (A comment on Simple Acts of Love for Oneself)
Victor:
Reading you calms me down, I think I still need to be able to live in my own flesh what you have experienced through full observation and unconditional love for your own body. For my part, and according to what I learned in the church, the body is less important than the soul or the spirit, it is even the source of all evils. Now I think differently. Our body is a miracle and whatever it is, it is the instrument with which we are now on this journey. I find it difficult to accept my negative emotions, be they anxiety or others. My mind is bombarded by thoughts that come by themselves without asking. Living in the present without suffering the past and without thinking about what will come is a difficult battle for me. But not impossible. I know it can be done and I know there are people who have done it. Thank you for sharing your experience, it encourages me to continue.

Arena Heidi:
The body is incredibly intelligent. It will unravel trauma and heal itself if we work with it and support it appropriately. Though the path of healing is simple, it may be quite difficult initially. When you first begin to stay present with anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions and sensations, it may be overwhelming. It may feel as though you are increasing your discomfort, and like all your past wounds are clamoring for attention. However, I could feel on a deep level that this was a path of wisdom. It gave me the courage to persist and dedicate myself to being present for my body and self. In the beginning, this healing work seemed similar to caring for a new born infant. I spent hours during the night, simply holding parts of myself. But now that I have been doing this work for many years, the benefits are enormous and profound. I spent my life in pursuit of enlightenment and did so many other meditations, spiritual practices, and psychological healing work. This simple practice has helped me so much more. I now have embodied feelings of wholeness and integration. But there is no endpoint or attainment. I still hold myself and body every single night. So much more continues to open up for me. Deeper layers for which words are inadequate to describe. It is my life's work to help others who venture down a similar path. Let me know if I can be of more support for you. I feel grateful for my experience touching and supporting someone else on their journey.