6a

The Shock of Trauma

I composed this piece while visiting my elderly parents and immediately disliked it. Like a terrified animal caught in the headlights before being hit, this drawing encapsulated unsettling fear. Then, five days later, my dad had a heart attack; and I plummeted into the felt sense of the drawing as I struggled to navigate the daunting terrain of familial crisis. Like a precognitive dream, this drawing accurately depicted my traumatic state, days ahead of my lived experience.

Later, once the crisis had passed, I still wasn't able to embrace the drawing — it exposed something too raw and vulnerable in me. So after successfully transforming others, I cut and rearranged this one, too. Although the reconfigured piece followed my emotional process, I regretted that I did not save a copy of the original, and the memory of it haunted me. A year later I photocopied the drawing and restored it to its original composition. Much to my surprise, my perspective had changed. The piece no longer felt disturbing, and I now appreciated its authentic depiction of traumatic shock.